


You can always blame alien sex pollen

by elaiel



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Accidental Sex, Accidentally High, Drugs, Fluff and Crack, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Psychotropic Drugs, Sex Pollen, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 06:25:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaiel/pseuds/elaiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You should always be careful about what you step in. Rush, Young and Scott suffer some rather pleasant consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can always blame alien sex pollen

**Author's Note:**

> A cracky fic, a little ooc but they are are on drugs, written quite a long time ago for the stargateland challenge, prompt "22- SGU, Everett Young/Nicholas Rush/Matthew Scott, influenced by sex pollen/alien technology/author's choice"

Sweat dripped down Young’s neck as he trudged across the sun drenched landscape. Rolling hills covered with a variety of vegetation, largely green or rust red.

“Remind me again why we are doing this when everyone else is fishing in the shade by a nice cool river.” He asked Rush.

“Because we have two days on this planet and scans indicated something that might be a crashed ship ten miles from the gate.” Rush said irritatedly. “You forced **me** to come because you are a sadist.”

“Huh!” said Young eloquently. “You were the one insisting on the wreckage being investigated.”

“Hey!” Lieutenant Scott was almost 100 metres ahead of them and was yelling and waving from the crest of the next hill.

They both broke into a tired trot across the flat and slowed to a walk to join Scott at the top of the hill.

“I’m too old for this,” said Young as he climbed the hill, “much too old for all this…” he reached the top of the hill, panting, “…holy shit! Is that what I think it is?”

Rush next to him was staring in shock down into what had evidently, millennia ago, been a massive scar across the landscape and was now a verdant valley, cutting a straight line across the landscape. The cause sat at the far end, only about a mile away.

“A seed ship,” breathed Rush. “Yes!” He jumped in the air grinning and did a happy dance.

Scott gave him a funny look.

“Spare parts!” exulted Rush. “Materials to fix the geodesic dome, maybe even another shuttle!”

Young began to grin despite himself. Rush punched the air and with that, he was running down the slope. Young and Scott looked at each other, then back at Rush running down the slope. They set off after him at a marginally less breakneck pace, the slope was covered with tussocks of a succulent fleshy plant. As they navigated downhill, Rush’s breakneck run came to an abrupt stop, his feet seemed to go out from underneath him, and he went down heavily.

“Doctor Rush?” called Scott down the slope.

There was no response. They made their way down the hill. As they got to him, they stepped on to a tussock of the succulent plant. It squished unpleasantly under their feet, releasing a pungent sap that seemed slimy.

When they got to him, Rush was sat on the ground staring at his hands. He was sat in a patch of the squishy plant and was covered in sap. Scott reached for him.

“Don’t get it on your….!” Rush shouted as Scott and Young grabbed his arms to haul him up. “You idiots!”

Scott’s hands slipped off Rush’s arm and lost his balance, falling backwards to land in a slimy heap.

“What is it?” Asked Young, pulling his now slimy hands back and wiping them on his trousers.

Rush stared at his hands again, then up at Young.

“This stuff is hallucinogenic.” He said. “It’s also effective on contact.”

“How do you know?” demanded Young

“Because I’m getting some amazing rainbows off my hands.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m seeing rainbow coloured traces following my hands.” Rush said slowly, waving a hand in front of his face. “Haven’t you ever…” He focused on Young. “Didn’t you try any drugs in your youth?”

“Uh Airforce?” Young said with the tone of talking to an idiot. “I assume you did then.”

“Uh, University in the eighties?” Rush replied in a similar tone.

“Wow,” said Scott, “rainbows.”

“Fuck.” Said Young. “Look, can you crawl out of the plants, at least stop getting a worse dose of it. What if it’s toxic?”

“Too late now.” Said Rush. He pushed himself to his feet with difficulty and walked over to Scott who was staring at his hands. “Lieutenant Scott, I think you need to move.”

“Huh?” asked Scott.

Rush shook his head, grabbed Scott’s collar and dragged him out of the plant patch.

“Let’s sit under that tree.” Young said, gesturing to a tree-like plant some way away.

They made their way to the tree and collapsed underneath it, dropping Scott in the shade and leaning their backs against the trunk.

“I think this stuff is euphoric as well.” Said Rush. “It’s pretty good stuff.”

“If we’re still alive in the morning.” Mumbled Young, eyes beginning to widen. “The rainbows are pretty though.”

They sat there in silence for a moment then Young asked “how come you’re still talking and Scott is staring at his toes.”

Rush shrugged. “Practice, sheer bloody-mindedness. I can only see magic birds watching us. How did Scott get his shoes and socks off?”

“Beats me.”

They both leaned forward to look at Scott’s toes. They didn’t seem that interesting. Rush leaned over and started to undo Young’s boots.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Rush looked up at him. “I want to see if your toes are more interesting.” He went back to trying to undo Young’s bootlaces. Eventually Young took pity on him and undid them himself. Laughing, Rush pulled off Young’s boot and peeled off his socks.

“Oh that’s good.” Young groaned. “Ten miles in boots at my age.”

Rush reached out and pulled off the other boot and Young groaned again. Rush looked at him for a moment as he flexed his feet in pleasure then lifted Young’s foot into his lap and began to rub the sole of Young’s foot, working his thumbs into the arch and the ball. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to do. Young groaned happily.

“You’re way too good at that.” He said. “Really way too good.” He closed his eyes and lay back, letting Rush massage his feet. Time seemed to drift whilst Rush worked over both of his feet and he zoned out. When he started thinking a bit more again, he realised that Rush was crawling towards his top half. Rush lay down heavily next to him, and Young turned his head to look at him, brown eyes staring into blue. Young realised how all of the little crinkles around Rush’s eyes softened a little when he wasn’t grumpy and he stared at them for a while. Rush didn't seem to be focussing on him and eventually looked away and up at the canopy of leaves above them.

“Sparkly.” He said.

“What?” asked Scott.

Young and Rush both craned their necks to look at him.

“How‘re the feet?” asked Young. Then he and Rush looked at each other and burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?!” asked Scott in a hurt tone of voice.

Young and Rush lost it, laughing so hard the tears rolled down their faces. When they finally managed to get it under control some minutes later, they realised that Scott was staring at them with a deeply hurt look in his face.

“Oh come here,” said Rush, grabbing Scott by the arm and pulling him down between them. He hugged Scott. Young put an arm over Scott and gave him a squeeze.

“Don’t take it personally Matt.” Young said. “It’s only fun.”

He giggled. Rush giggled. Scott gulped.

“What?” asked Young.

“Nothing.” Said Scott.

Young and Rush tried to stifle more laughter. Scott was silent, face tight with concentration. After a while the other two stopped giggling. Rush craned his head back to focus on Scott’s face.

“What’s wrong lad?”

“Nothing.” Said Scott. “Nothing is wrong.”

“It must be something,” Said Rush, “You look like you’re trying not to wet yourself.”

Rush and Young descended into giggles again. Young reached round and tickled the young lieutenant’s ribs. Scott managed to hold it off for all of a minute, before he finally cracked in gales of laughter, thrashing to dislodge Young and quickly after, Rush. They tickled him mercilessly, rolling him onto his back on the floor, and holding him down to tickle him.

“Pin him down!” yelled Young laughing as Scott bucked and thrashed to remove his tormentors.

Rush threw himself across Scott to hold him down, as Young went for the feet. Young realised something was up as everything went silent above Scott’s knees. He looked up curiously. Scott was wide eyed and slightly panicky looking. Rush was sprawled across Scott’s hips with a knowing look.

“I think I know why your Lieutenant was concentrating.” He said with a knowing grin.

Rush and Young locked eyes then started to giggle.

“Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts!” sniggered Young.

“Hey!” said Scott vaguely.

Rush slid a hand up Scott’s inner thigh and started undoing buttons, grinning.

“Hey!” said Young.

Rush giggled. “I want to see if it’s more interesting than his feet.”

“But we’re military!” protested Young absently.

“Just don’t ask me what I’m doing and I won’t tell you.” Said Rush expansively.

They both started to laugh again. Rush slid his hand into Scott’s pants and Scott sighed. Young watched as Rush’s hand rubbed at the contents of Scott’s pants.

“I can’t see anything.” He said.

Rush took his hand out, to a disappointed moan from Scott, and opened the fly of Scott’s pants completely.

“Alley-up!” he said, and Scott lifted his hips obligingly as Rush pulled his pants and boxers down to his hips.

Scott’s dick sprang free.

“Wow.” Said Young.

“Hey,” said Rush, “you’re not allowed to talk about it.”

“I’m not allowed to ask about it.” Corrected Young.

Rush wrapped his hand around Scott’s cock and rubbed up and down gently. Scott arched into it.

“You aren’t allowed to tell about it either.” Rush stated.

“I’m not telling you about it.” Said Young. “I’m commenting.”

“I’m hard.” Giggled Scott.

“Shut up!” chorused Young and Rush, and giggled.

“I’ve never had a hand job with rainbows before.” Said Rush, watching his own hand sliding up and down Scott’s penis.

Young reflected for a moment, watching Rush masturbate the younger man.

“You aren’t having a hand job with rainbows, you’re giving a hand job with rainbows.”

“That’s not fair.” Mumbled Scott, and vaguely reached towards Rush’s fly. He made a frustrated noise when he couldn’t reach. Young moved up to Rush and lay next to him, reaching down to unzip Rush’s fly. Rush groaned as Young slid a hand in to cup his hard dick.

“Mmm,” Said Young, “your trousers are too tight for this.”

He fumbled with Rush’s belt, and made Rush move so he could pull off his trousers. Once his trousers were off, Rush lay down next to Scott and went back to giving him a hand job. Young sprawled behind Rush and draped an arm over him grabbing his dick. Rush yelped.

“Hey, you’ve got your foreskin still.” He said.

“Scottish.” Said Rush vaguely. He was still meditatively rubbing Scott’s cock.

“It’s all warm and hard.” Said Young, spooning up against Rush’s back as he rubbed

“So are you.” Said Rush.

“Oh.” Said Young, “I didn’t notice.” He rubbed up against Rush’s butt.

Scott was groaning into Rush’s shoulder and bucking into his hand, and suddenly, with a strangled squawk and a long groan he came, covering Rush’s hand and his own shirt with come. Rush laughed watching it drip off his hand.

“It’s all sparkly.” He said.

Young stopped playing with Rush’s dick and shook his shoulder. Rush ignored him for a while, but Young was insistent. Finally Rush wiped his hand on the shirt of the almost comatose Lieutenant and rolled over. Young looked hard into Rush’s face, then grabbed him by the hips and pressed into him. Rush groaned as their cocks rubbed up against each other and in a moment they were each gripping each other and rubbing off. Time slowed again as for a while they just lost themselves in sensation and rainbows.

“It feels like the taste of chocolate.” Mumbled Rush.

“Yeah,” moaned Young. “Candy.”

He began to press harder into Rush, finally flipping the smaller man onto his back to grind down into him. Rush lasted almost thirty seconds before he came hard, thrusting his hips hard into Young. The slippery sensation was too much for Young and he came as well with a yell.

They slowed, sliding together gently in the post coital glow.

“This is so weird.” Said Scott. “But you two were so hot.”

They looked over at him.

“Sorry,” he apologised, “but it’s true. It I didn’t feel like I was like made of fur I’d be hard.”

Young slid off Rush, landing between Rush and Scott and they all lay there, zoning out.

"I can see your magic birds." Young told Rush after a while.

"I think my feet are turning into fur as well." Scott said.

"Shut up and enjoy it." Rush told them. "I like the sparkly leaves and you're disturbing my thoughts."

Young woke suddenly to the squawking of his Radio.

“Colonel!”

He grabbed for it.

“Young.” He responded fuzzily..

“Are you okay?” It was Greer. "You've been out of Radio contact for about three hours." Greer drawled.

“Yeah, we’re uh fine.” He said. “We’ve had a bit of a problem with a plant, it’s uh, hallucinogenic.”

“Holy shit.” Said Greer.

“Yeah. We were kinda out there for an hour or so, then fell asleep. Looks like we’ve been out for about an hour and a half.”

He looked over at Scott who was beetroot red and pulling his clothes back into order. Rush was dressing more sedately with a slightly amused expression on his face.

“Good news though.” Said Young. “We’ve found a crashed seedship. We’ll need to bring the shuttle down to strip as much as possible off it. Get it brought down to our location and pick us up, we’re less than a mile away, but there’s a field of that hallucinogenic plant between us and there and I’d prefer not to experience that again. Young out.”

Rush cocked his head on one side. “Prefer not to experience that again eh?” he asked wryly.

“No sense crying over spilt milk” offered Young stoically not meeting his eyes. “I won’t say it was all bad. I'm certainly not going to panic over it. We were out of our heads, I was watching your magic birds tying Christmas decorations to the tree for Christ's sake. But I agree with you on one thing, we need the contents of that ship.”

Behind Young, Scott groaned.  “I thought it was bullshit when someone mentioned sex pollen at the SGC.” He mumbled in the voice of someone horrifically embarrassed.

Rush laughed nastily. “Total bollocks,” he agreed, “hallucinogenics and euphorics on the other hand, those are quite real.”

Scott groaned again.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell,” said Young, “and if you must say anything, I’m sure everyone else believes in sex pollen. Or aliens, you can say aliens made you do it.”


End file.
